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The Secret Life of Us

Updated: Nov 19, 2020

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”


Artist Reda Abdel Rahman · Contemporary Egyptian artist

“We spend most of our lives looking for reassurance from others until we find that others are looking for reassurance from us. And somebody has to stop this.”

― Luigina Sgarro

Most people try to find out how they are from others.

Two psychologists meet and one says to the other: “You’re doing just great — but how am I?”

It’s with the greatest hyper-vigilance we watch each other’s body language and look deep into each other’s eyes for subtle, almost imperceptible clues, messages and hints as to how we’re doing.

And when we depend on the opinions and reactions of others to verify our own worthiness, it’s too easy to become shattered when they don’t support us in that moment.


House of cards

If someone disagrees with us, mocks or rejects us we can become angry, devastated, hurt or saddened.

Their blustery wind has blown down our house of cards.

Because of course — their opinion carries so much more weight than our own self-knowledge.


The real truth

Is it really true we don’t know ourself?

Who we are and what we know? Surely this isn’t right.

Do we really need constant external validation to confirm our worthiness and endorse our existence?

And this self-worth dependent on the validation of others breeds great insecurity, and a deep abiding anxiety and fear. But how can anyone else really know what’s happening within us?

How can they have any inkling of our vast universal knowledge, our many lifetimes of experience, our wealth of wisdom, richness of heart, and depth of soul?

How can they possibly know the extent of the wounding and the powerful healing we’ve been through?

Seen through a glass darkly

Is it possible they’re really only able to see us through a glass darkly, through their own veil of fears and anxieties, their own haze of self-doubt, and their own fog of misery?

The only way of knowing ourself is to go within. No mirror, no reflection, nothing external can reveal the invisible truth living within. How can anyone else know who we are?

Even the most perceptive person can only come from their own self-knowledge and experience when looking at another.


Conscious life

This is the way of living unconsciously — seeing ourself only through the eyes of others.

So, what happens for us as we begin to live consciously?

When we begin to live without bringing the opinions and thoughts of others into our own knowledge of ourself?

This is really the only way to live and without this way of being and self-knowledge, we haven’t really lived.


Removing the veils

When we see ourself as we are and not as others see us, when we take their veils off our eyes, when we stop seeing ourself through their opinions, everything changes. Our life changes.

We’re really living.

Because only we can truly know ourself. And no one else can do this work of our lifetime for us.

This is why you’re here isn’t it?

To know thyself?

If we’re always asking someone else to look into us and tell us who we are, then we must be sleepwalking with our eyes wide closed...

And so, it’s time to awaken and let go of this need for the thoughts, opinions and beliefs of others.


Now is the only time

And now is the time to do this because in truth now is the only time we have.

So now it’s time to awaken to our own brilliant golden inner light.

Video: National Geographic · Journey to The Edge of The Universe · Music: Karunesh · Calling Wisdom

Copyright 2019/2020 © Julie Von Nonveiller Cairnes. All rights reserved.

I first published this in MEDIUM on Sep 10, 2019 and on my prior website in 2018

None of my messages are about other people (ie 'celebrities' and so on) - no matter what they might think - these come from me, to you my friend, for your soul upliftment

Love. You.

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