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God’s Gift

Updated: Nov 19, 2020

A spiritual gift or charism (charismata) is an endowment or extraordinary power given by the Holy Spirit

“I shall no longer be instructed by the Yoga Veda or the Aharva Veda, or the ascetics, or any other doctrine whatsoever. I shall learn from myself, be a pupil of myself; I shall get to know myself, the mystery of Siddhartha.”

He looked around as if he were seeing the world for the first time.

Hermann Hesse, ‘Siddhartha’

· Aether Oracle Of Delphi · By Amaterasu · 1960 ·

“Know Thyself!” — Inscription over the entrance at the Temple of Delphi

Incessantly loud and unrelenting babel-ing voices of many people, filled with a righteous insistence of aligning with some religion or spiritual path or other. And apparently with a need for it to be trumpeted openly and publicly, a proclamation signed in my blood, of my allegiance with one path or another.

The ceaseless clamour jangles the peace of the intuitive, the psychic, the oracle. It enters the crevices of my peace like a clanging brass doorbell demanding attention. Demanding I open the door to their demands.

I’m here to explain my path, my mission, and My Calling. As they say: our calling chooses us.

Mine most certainly did.

It’s been unrelenting and still is, and pushes me forward through the hatred of others, the death threats and life threats towards me, the ignorance, the mockery and their fear.


And unlike Siddhartha, I still intend to continue reading and studying the ancient scriptures — the Vedas, the Essenes, the Ancient Egyptian Books of the Dead, the original Biblical texts, the Golden and Light Sutras, the Book of Thoth, the Forbidden books of Rumi, the books of Ifa, Patanjali, and many other wondrous and worthy writings.

In the current global climate of corrupt vampiric ‘spiritual teachers’ on the hunt for you as their prey — reading solitarily in some quiet nook, nestled comfily into an old couch laden with cosy cushions and warm blankets in your home — far from the sexual or financial or other hellish design some teacher may have on you — is much safer for you, and far from such claw-like clutches as theirs.

They are not concerned if you lose your life or your life energy to them. So buy some books or read online — it’s ultimately very much safer!

But I also want to warn and enlighten any aspirant reader who may be studying such many and varied treasures for the upliftment of their mind and soul — ALL those paths bar none were aware of magick and fearlessly used it. So many religious and spiritual writings have magical spells woven within the words and the pages, designed to charm and hold your mind and gaze.

Stay awake and aware of this truth, is all I ask.

The Re-converted

‘There’s nothing worse than the newly converted…” — these were my Mother’s words, loaded with her own brand of personal judgements and some extraordinary, at times, innate wisdom.

She was, in fact, referring to my (paternal side) Grandmother Anneliese, who re-converted to Catholicism in her later years, after a series of heart attacks. As a young child, when I visited her at home in Singleton, she took me to the local Catholic church, a quite majestic and imposing edifice, and insisted I kneel on the floor as I entered.

As a 10 year old, although having been the top soprano from a very young age in my gentle Presbyterian church choir in Nambour, I really had no idea what this was all about, so it was a fairly useless and empty gesture on my part. But her unyielding hands pressing down hard into my small shoulders, thus forcing me down into that position, couldn’t be resisted.

I didn’t dare utter any sound of rebellion within the echoing acoustics of that vast temple.

But my soul did rebel silently and mightily in that moment of forced obeisance to something unknown — was it to that silent and echoing building?

I wasn’t sure, and no explanations were ever forthcoming.

And following this, our visit to the local Nunnery in the nearby town of Muswellbrook, to look in on a very young girl in her early teens obviously dying, laying in bed in a faded white nighty. Dying of some wasting disease — consumption? Tuberculosis? I’ll never know. Mute and apparently very holy according to the nuns, who had relegated sainthood to her very young and sacredly silent, pallid and deathly state.

I felt sorry for her, and wanted to give her a warmly healing hug, but was prevented from getting too close by the nuns. I also felt this was all a little premature for such a young girl.

I wondered what she’d done to gain such adulation and adoration. It was lovely she had such heartfelt support, but it seemed to me back then that she was simply some kind of a very small, pale, silent and deathly-ill rock-star of the Nunnery.

None of this really worked for me.

It did the opposite of what my Grandmother Anneliese intended. My Mother had always maintained, against my own wishes and strong personal philosophy, that I was an agnostic or an atheist, like the rest of the family. I’d rebelled against that also very early on — as a 5 year old in fact.

But Now This. With my Grandmother. The answer inside myself was a silent ‘no’, and the early beginnings of a lifelong vow to search and seek for the truth about it all.

The meaning of life, God and everything.

Later my amazing (maternal side) Grandfather, the self-avowed Humanist, Keith, labelled me ‘the family idealist’, rather than an atheist, but that’s another story altogether.

I love to mix it.

To me — this is an actual strategy and a tool in my magical book of healing and ancient unlearnt yet intrinsically known medicine. And I find that many really don’t understand what I do, and don’t seem to have the mental capacities to comprehend at all. With the current bizarre trend toward twisting and inverting or retroverting everything, it’s almost impossible to be heard.

But in my quest to bring spiritual dialogue and healthy yet robust religious debates back together, as in times of old, I set this up purposely and very purposefully.

Women, I find, are often severely underestimated in our capacity to have any intellectual or spiritual faculties.

When we’re friendly, speak even only once to someone, or are just naturally affectionate even, it’s usually erroneously interpreted as the following : flirting, being in love, wanting to have sex, or get married, or being a ‘slut’ etc.

To be a mature woman having an intelligent conversation with another being, either male or female, without sexual interpretation has been the challenge of this lifetime. I never expected the issue to so suffuse my life with reactionary lies, innuendo, and slander from others. But there it is. And so it goes, on this currently very corrupt planet. All are presumed to be corrupt and when you’re not, then the sly slander begins with usually, I find, about 10 knives stabbing simultaneously into one’s back when you're not looking.

Back when you didn’t know better, and easily loved and trusted. Now I know to expect the unexpected. Always.

But being a bisexual women — well — the reactions from others are another level of nightmare on this planet altogether. We are constantly sexualised, called transgender, with severe and very nasty assumptions made, including assumptions of promiscuity, and a constant array of sick lies told.

I’m pretty well over it. But my Guardian Angels insist I stay, and whisper on the breeze, saying plug on darling, get through this and tell it all’.

But getting back to ‘mixing it’.

My strategy: has always been to attempt to bring all the comprehensible symbols and beliefs of the highest nature of all spiritual paths and religions together, without any attempt to dilute, change, or homogenise anything whatsoever, but to respect, love and share the beauty of each religions love for God, and relationship with God. Or with Self.

Or whatever way they love and choose to express their love for God.

I wanted to find symbols in common that could bridge all the differences. Such as images of Light or the Sun as a representational living manifestation of God.

And believe me, most religions have the extremely potent beauty of poetic wordsmiths who express things in a deeply magical and religious way.

Designed to fully open your heart and let you fall right in.

When so-called Babalawo’s or any witches, psychics, shamans, or priests of other persuasions continuously try to get your attention, your money and/or your life by tempting you with doors being opened or summarily closed etc., oh my God, please please don’t be fooled by this age-old ruse.

It’s garbage, it’s evil and it’s because they don’t know what they're doing. These are the ones who teach via Facebook memes, not able to teach privately and one-on-one.

Incapable of direct heart-to-heart teaching.

“Somewhere Else” · Art by Clinge

For this is the only door you need opened — the understanding of God and the gift of sacred magic to the chosen. Not given to all. But to the Chosen.

But just as ayahuasca has been severely abused as a mercenary thrill-seeking tourist drug trip, and the majestic Spirit of the plant has become deeply enraged, withdrawing its support and hiding the plant — well, so too the understanding of the initiation of sacred magic has been tampered with and stolen by the satanists, the New Agers and the corrupt.

The understanding that the deepest and highest religious magic was given as a gift from God to the chosen, has been lost in the maelstrom of evil sorcery and the dark arts, in their relentless quest for power, and especially an often sadistic power over others.

And in the midst of all this, with or without sacred magic, is this Hope and Truth.

That the beauty and preciousness in all paths and all the views of the many faces of God can not be lost.

The Lost Years Once You See, You Cannot Unsee

So now walk with me down another, perhaps a little unexpected (!), path for a time. Walk with me and lets look at the heart and life of a woman who experienced enlightenment, the light of God, for a time, and then — what happened?

Let’s go ‘round the Medicine Wheel and view this extraordinary woman and her bottomless heart of gold from every direction. Read on.

Young Mother Teresa · Art by Aless Bruno

Mother Teresa’s story: holding the torch

“There is a light in this world, a healing spirit more powerful than any darkness we may encounter. We sometimes lose sight of this force when there is suffering, too much pain. Then suddenly, the spirit will emerge through the lives of ordinary people who hear a call and answer in extraordinary ways.” ~ Mother Teresa


Mother Teresa was born Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu in Skopje, Macedonia, on August 26, 1910. Her family was of Albanian descent. When she joined the Irish order Sisters of Loreto, she was given the name Sister Teresa after Saint Thérèse de Lisieux. She became Mother Teresa after making her final vows.

SOUTH: living in trust and innocence, child

Mother Teresa had an older sister and brother Aga and Lazar, born to Drane and her husband, Albanian grocer, Nikola Bojaxhiu. Her father died suddenly when she was eight years old, leaving the family struck with poverty.

She was baptised Gonxha Agnes, received her First Communion at the age of five and a half and was confirmed in November 1916. It’s said that from her first communion, “a love for souls was within her”.

Drane raised her children firmly and lovingly, greatly influencing her daughter’s character and vocation. Gonxha’s religious formation was further assisted by the vibrant Jesuit parish of the Sacred Heart in which she was much involved.

Gonxha seems to have had a Great Nurturing Mother parent in Drane. Plus she was very firmly ensconced in a strongly Christian community in which her entire spiritual outlook was born and nurtured to carry her throughout this lifetime.


WEST: the home of the sacred dream, death and rebirth, adolescent.

When aged twelve, she heard a “strong call of god.” Gonxha felt she had to spread Christ‘s love through being a missionary and at eighteen joined an Irish community of nuns in Ireland called the Sisters of Loreto.

She was sent to India within a few months and took her initial nun’s vows in 1931. Mother Teresa started her own order with the permission of the Holy See in 1950, called the Missionaries of Charity, “whose primary task was to love and care for those persons nobody was prepared to look after”, and this became and International Religious Family by decree of Pope Paul VI in 1965.

So as an adolescent her energies, which are often strongly sexual and passionate at this age for many, were channelled into love of God. This speaks to me of a total disconnection from her physical being, and a total focus on spirit.

There’s no judgement here, I’m just observing what happened to this child as she went on the pathway her spirit was so strongly drawn to.

As her later writings speak of a disconnection from spirit and God when she commences working with the poor, I believe she must then at this time have experienced a powerful connection to spirit, which carried her through the rest of her years. All her life and spiritual energies at this stage became focused on the Christian God and the work she was trained in.

All of her life points to her naturally being a Great Nurturing Mother.


NORTH: wisdom and strength, adult

The place of Spirit; reflects my relationship to god or goddess or Great Spirit; represents the adult, responsible independent balanced being, inspiration

“By blood, I am Albanian. By citizenship, an Indian. By faith, I am a Catholic nun. As to my calling, I belong to the world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to the Heart of Jesus.”

Small of stature, rocklike in faith, Mother Teresa of Calcutta was entrusted with the mission of proclaiming God’s thirsting love for humanity, especially for the poorest of the poor. “God still loves the world and He sends you and me to be His love and His compassion to the poor.” She was a soul filled with the light of Christ, on fire with love for Him and burning with one desire: “to quench His thirst for love and for souls.”

I do not wish to speak with judgement: here was a great being of Light and beautiful service to the world in the name of her God and beliefs and also spiritual experiences.

If we look at a balanced nature, I see imbalance.

I see disconnection from a life of connecting intimately with others, and like a butterfly with only one wing perfectly formed, to use Dane Rudhyar’s Sabian Symbols, I see her as perfectly formed in that area, and wingless in another area.

That of human connection and possibly disconnection from the beautiful natural world, another expression of spirit and gods.

However, the focus and dedication of this Great Nurturing Mother was exemplary and her commitment and love for her work has become legendary.


EAST: illumination

The place of the mind, reflecting ancient wisdom; can be the home of the heyoka, the sacred clown/jester, teasing poking fun at established institutions and status quo. Can be very profound

In her Nobel Lecture, Mother Teresa said: “I think that we in our family don’t need bombs and guns, to destroy to bring peace — just get together, love one another, bring that peace, that joy, that strength of presence of each other.”

After Mother Teresa’s death, it was revealed she felt deeply rejected and separated from God and that this was a deeply painful and constant experience, alongside an “ever-increasing longing for His love.”

This despite her life’s labour in service, bearing “witness to the joy of loving, the greatness and dignity of every human person, the value of little things done faithfully and with love, and the surpassing worth of friendship with God.”

She named this painful spiritual experience ‘the darkness’. Interestingly it’s seen that this experience started around the time she began her work with the poor and continued to the end of her life. Fascinating.

The Vatican states that this “led Mother Teresa to an ever more profound union with God.”

“Through the darkness she mystically participated in the thirst of Jesus, in His painful and burning longing for love, and she shared in the interior desolation of the poor”….. Well that would be true … but … necessary??

Necessary that in order to work lovingly with people we have to disconnect ourselves from our spiritual Source and spiritual Love? And try to fill our own empty cup with only faded memories of Spirit and nothing tangible of Spirit, or our own wild nature…. sad.

This is a symptom of some aspects of some churches/religions (of course not all) that espouse a life of disconnection in order to reach (some kind of) spiritual heights, and leading to many tragic outcomes as we see in today’s world, and in the world of the past.

Her last years of life were marked by increasingly serious health problems; however she still continued to do this work. Mother Teresa died of heart failure at the age of 87 on 5 September 1997 in Calcutta, India.

Most certainly we see here Death Mother, where the constant focus that Mother Teresa had on ‘healing’ of the lives of others, and absolutely none on her own, really, that can be seen, as being bereft of self-nurturing and healthy balance in her life.

Is it worth the sacrifice, the healing of others, to lose yourself so completely that you completely lose your spiritual connection and are operating in a void as she did for the entire time, it seems?

The entire time.

This is dedication and commitment! With complete cut off from her spiritual source, she would have been more and more drained….

Mother Teresa’s Ultima Madre as Great Nurturing Mother and Death Mother shows up early in the piece.

Mother Teresa has to be deeply admired for filling her own cup the entire time with her own inner light; although not being able at all to feel actual God Source energy anymore — living off her memory of moments of mind-blowing spiritual connection with the Absolute, feeling herself alone and disconnected from God to the end of her days.

However she may have turned this around if her religious belief system had encompassed way to nurture and nourish the aspects of herself that she allowed to become filled with pain and darkness through disconnection.

She wasn’t taught how to do this, as her religion supported the disconnection, most likely. None of this detracts from the wondrous person of light she was, the beacon of light in a world that has so much darkness.

What a heroine, living for decades in her own darkness, and yet still creating a powerful memorable living light from a flame of memory.

Love to you Mother Teresa

— excerpts throughout in italics from Mother Teresa of Calcutta (1910–1997), biography

The Four Mothers Wha